I wouldn’t recommend self diagnosis. For months I had felt a small, hard lump on the right side of my abdomen. But since it didn’t cause any pain, I thought it was probably a hernia. People live with hernias without being treated, right? I just didn’t feel the need to rush into the doctor’s office, so I decided to wait until my regular check-up time. That was until my dad found out I had a suspicious lump.

My family and I were in my grandmother’s living room. I was lying on the couch, and showing my lump to my sister and mom. My dad made me promise to see a doctor immediately upon returning home to Arizona. He was serious and didn’t let up. He hounded me until that appointment was made. Lucky for me, because I could have died.

I ended up seeing a general practitioner, who ordered an ultra sound to diagnose the lump in my abdomen. Upon seeing the results, she sent me to a urologist, because there was a problem with my kidney. He ordered a CT scan, because the ultra sound did not give him enough information. My mom accompanied me to get the scan, and we enjoyed a nice lunch afterward. I forget where we went. At 3:30 we were in the waiting room of Dr. Nelson, and by 5:00 we had been sent across the street to visit his friend, who was an oncologist. When he told me I had lymphoma, I didn’t even know what that was, and when he told me it was a type of cancer, my first thought was, “What? What did I do?” He said, “Nothing, it’s just bad luck.” Well, as luck would have it, that diagnosis changed my life forever. At 6:00 pm I was admitted to the hospital, and a biopsy the next day, October 1, 2005, confirmed that I had Follicular Lymphoma.

My parents moved my dog and I back into their home, and my fight against cancer began. I went through 6 months of chemotherapy and 2 years of maintenance treatments. My entire life changed, from my diet to my outlook, my life has never been the same. Nor do I want it to be.

Each month of treatment brought different side effects. The first month was filled with uncertainty and one of the worst pains I have ever felt. My oncologist told me I had a 50% chance of losing my hair. I didn’t want to wake up one morning without hair, so my mom and I went to a wig store and had some fun. I was ready, but I never needed it. My hair thinned the week after my treatments, but never really fell out. After my first round of chemo, it was customary to get a shot called neulasta. It was a shot that helped boost your immune system, since chemo lowers it. I was told to expect some bone pain, but what I experienced had never been dealt with at my doctor’s office. My dad had to pick me up in the middle of the day from work, because the pain in my skull was unbearable. I could not function. I could not find a position or enough darkness to make the pain go away. The pain in my head was well beyond a migraine, it was skull pain. I felt it in my bones, just not the bones the doctors anticipated. I remember crying because I felt helpless, and my dad just held me to try to offer comfort. There was nothing he could do either. I ended up getting 3 shots of morphine before the pain lessened. I was scared. I didn’t think I could do this 5 more times. Needless to say, I opted never to get the neulasta shot again. It wasn’t until my 5^th treatment that I needed the alternative, nupagen.

During the first months of this ordeal I was also a regular Percocet user. The x-rays showed my tumor occupying more than 1/2 of my abdomen. It was pushing all of my other organs to different places, and my kidney was experiencing a back-up of urine, since the pressure on it had caused it not to function. A stint was put in to help the kidney function until the tumor shrunk. It wasn’t until the week after Thanksgiving that the stint was taken out. Thank God for Percocet, because the pain from the stint was very uncomfortable.

Chemotherapy caused fatigue that truly took me by surprise. My body just couldn’t do the things it was used to. I wasn’t just tired, I was listless. My mom helped by getting a loaner wheel chair, and we would use it when we would go shopping or to craft fairs. It helped me to conserve my energy, and it was interesting to witness the change in other people’s perception when you are in a wheelchair. I enjoyed watching people watch me!

During the course of my treatments I experienced a range of other side effects. They include, but are not limited to, diminished taste buds, lack of appetite, increased appetite, fevers, bronchitis, lack of energy, increased energy (after steroids), depression, breathing problems, fatigue, fatigue, and more fatigue. It has been almost 3 years since my last chemo treatment, and the side effects are a distant memory. However, at the time, each one was an obstacle my body had to endure, and it was extremely difficult to do with an immune system that was compromised.

As for my mental health, I had my ups and downs. I tried support groups, and they weren’t what I needed. I actually left one meeting more depressed and shocked than when I walked in. I battled with the question “Why me?” for awhile. The cancer was a lot easier to face when I gave up trying to answer that question, and just focused on getting healthy again. I started using, and still do, mental animations of my cancer being destroyed. Lymphoma is currently not curable, so I still have cells in my body. However, what I envision as I exercise are cells that are always on the move, with no chance of settling in one place and growing into a tumor. So far, so good!

Life after cancer has been challenging and exhilarating at the same time. It has taken a long time for my body to recover, but I actually feel better today than I did before my diagnosis. I exercise regularly, and I am more aware of the types of food I ingest. I eat more organic foods, drink water instead of soda, and eat less red meat than ever before. Each year I also participate in a fundraiser for the Lymphoma Research Foundation. It is a cause near and dear to my heart. But, the best part about life after cancer is that I hesitate less on doing things that are on my “bucket list.” Cancer has taught me how precious life is, and that it should never be taken for granted. Being able to reach your goals and experience life the way I want to, is a gift. I am grateful everyday for the opportunities life has to offer. Without the doctors and the love and support from my family and friends, I would not be here to live my life to its fullest potential.